<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Love, or something like it by starlightwalking</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25705078">Love, or something like it</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking'>starlightwalking</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ataquenta Silmarillion [27]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Disregards Laws and Customs Among the Eldar, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Relationship(s), Post-Coital Cuddling, Relationship Discussions, Tenderness, the origin of Caranthir's dislike for the Arafinwions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:00:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25705078</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After their first time together, Haleth and Caranthir learn a little more about each other - including why Caranthir resents Angrod so much.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Caranthir | Morifinwë/Haleth of the Haladin, Past Angrod | Angaráto/Caranthir | Morifinwë</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Ataquenta Silmarillion [27]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076816</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love, or something like it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/aikanaro/gifts">aikanaro</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy birthday to the AMAZING, WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, SPECTACULAR May!!!! &lt;33 Here is some Halenthir for you, ft. my Caranthir/Angrod headcanon you expressed interest in :D ILY, hope your day was great!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I thought I'd have to do a little more instructing," Haleth murmured, running her hands through Caranthir's long, dark hair. "But you did very well for your first time." She chuckled, feeling him cling to her even tighter, his face buried in her chest.</p><p>He mumbled something she didn't quite catch. He still trembled, a little, and even if Haleth couldn't have the same kind of connection with him as elves could with one another, she could feel how vulnerable and overwhelmed he was, emotion shuddering off him in waves.</p><p>"What was that?" she asked, tugging him gently by the hair, and he gasped. She grinned; she would be sure to take advantage of <em>that</em> later.</p><p>"Not my first time," he mumbled, lifting his head just a little, his dark eyes half-lidded.</p><p>Haleth blinked. "But you said you'd never been with a woman before."</p><p>"I hadn't," Caranthir admitted, "but—" He scowled, in the way he meant to be intimidating but really just made him look like he'd eaten something sour. "Well, I'd been with a nér. A male, I mean. Of my own people, not yours."</p><p>"Oh!" Haleth said. "Well!" She didn't quite know what to say to that: of course that didn't bother her, she'd lain with men and women alike before she'd ever laid eyes on him, but it was still somehow a surprise. She was fast unlearning her assumptions about the propriety and morality of elvenfolk (Caranthir had been quick to correct her in that half-insulted, half-satisfied way he had that <em>no</em>, elvish marriage was <em>not </em>the same as sex, where had she heard <em>that</em> rumor!), but she had for some reason thought elves had taboos around lying with those of the same sex.</p><p>"It was a long time ago," he muttered.</p><p>"There's no shame in it," she assured him, pressing a kiss to his forehead. His long ears twitched and a blush spread across his face and down his neck; she had seen just how far that blush went not so long ago. "I've been with more women than men, to tell the truth."</p><p>He blushed deeper: even more than the act itself, it seemed that <em>talking</em> about sex brought him some discomfort. Well, he had also mentioned whilst correcting her on elvish marriage that there <em>were</em> strict taboos among his people in the far-off West, taboos that did not extend to the Grey-elves living in these woods.</p><p>"But I am in Valinórë no longer, and even in the land of my birth none could stop those who truly wished it from doing as they pleased," he had declared, and Haleth now understood that he meant <em>himself</em>, not just the frolicking brothers he complained about so frequently (for all he defended them just as often).</p><p>"Tell me about him," Haleth said.</p><p>Caranthir's ears drooped, and he glared up at her, though he didn't move himself from his position sprawled on top of her naked body. "Is that an order, Chieftain?"</p><p>She tilted her head. "It could be." She lifted her leg slightly, putting pressure against his groin, and he bit his lip. She smirked. "If you wish it, my <em>lord</em>."</p><p>He shifted, rolling off of her, and she made a show of gasping for air, though in truth his weight against her had been more comforting than constricting. His hair fell in his face, but his eyes were fixed on her even through the curtain of black strands. Haleth shifted onto her side, sliding an arm beneath her breast so she could lie more comfortably, and blew lightly in his face so that his hair danced about.</p><p>"I will tell you," he said, lifting his chin, and though his haughtiness had once infuriated her, she knew now it was only skin-deep, "if you tell me of <em>your</em> first time with a woman."</p><p>Haleth nodded. "An equal bargain," she agreed. "Go on, then. Who was it?"</p><p>At that his eyes slid away from her, and she chuckled. "Don't be shy, Caranthir. I have seen all of you already; you cannot hide from me."</p><p>"It was foolishness, absolutely repellent to me now," he groused. "Not—that he was a nér, but that I lowered myself to <em>his</em> level...!"</p><p>"And now you have gone and bedded a mortal woman," Haleth said amiably, "and your standards have been lowered even further."</p><p>He glared at her. "No," he snapped. "You are <em>far</em> better company than Angaráto. Besides, I knew the moment we concluded our dalliance that it had been a mistake, which is not the case with you. In fact—" He stared at her for one moment, his eyes blazing with that eerie light that was like looking directly into the sun if she held his gaze too long, then reached out to give her another kiss, harsh and biting.</p><p>She let him, but when he went to suck at her neck she pressed a hand against his mouth and tutted, pushing him away.</p><p>"Tell me your story first, then we'll see about another round," she scolded.</p><p>He <em>pouted</em>, but leaned back, his too-long limbs half-hanging off her bed. She'd need to get a bigger one, she thought absently, if she wanted to keep him around.</p><p>"It isn't much of a story," he said. "Angaráto is..." His bony shoulders stiffened. "Well, he is the brother of Findaráto—Felagund, as you know him."</p><p>Haleth couldn't help but let out a snort of laughter. "Really! But are you not cousins?"</p><p>"<em>Half</em>-cousins," Caranthir was quick to correct. "And at least I chose the prettier side of the family to play around with—my brothers are partial to the High King's line..."</p><p>Haleth had never met the High King, nor his children, but she could scarcely imagine an elf that wasn't stunningly, unnervingly gorgeous. Perhaps Caranthir's eldest brother, the one-handed fugitive from Angband...but those mortals who had met him whispered that he had that same light that blazed in Caranthir's eyes, only bleeding out from every scar. She thought that was likely to be a beauty all its own.</p><p>"But at least Findekáno is faithful to Nelyo, unlike those Arafinwion brats," Caranthir said. He sniffed. "Angaráto's pretty face cannot make up for his horrible attitude."</p><p>"You are clearly very biased," Haleth said. "Wait...if Findaráto is Finrod Felagund, does that mean Angaráto is Angrod, lord of Dorthonion?"</p><p>"Yes," Caranthir said.</p><p>Haleth laughed. "Ah, him! I admit I do not know the depth of your people's history, Caranthir, but I pieced together from Felagund and Elu Thingol both that you had many harsh words for Angrod, and that your unfriendship contributed to the banning of your language."</p><p>"It is hardly <em>my</em> fault that Angaráto's resentment got the better of him!" Caranthir spluttered. "He should not have betrayed our secrets to Thingol, our dislike of one another is no excuse, and Quenya is <em>his</em> language also—"</p><p>Haleth rolled her eyes and silenced him with a pointed kiss. "I never said it was your fault, only that your feud runs so deep even we Haladin have heard of it. So: how did it begin?"</p><p>"We were young and foolish," Caranthir said, the light in his eyes softening as he remembered. "Our fathers were not close as brothers should be, though the rift between my father and his was insignificant compared to the one between my father and Nolofinwë. The High King, that is—though <em>our</em> father was High King first."</p><p>"I know <em>that</em> story," Haleth dismissed.</p><p>"We were at a party in Tirion. We were not quite drunk, but we were getting there, and..." Caranthir bit his lip, a tooth that was just a little too sharp poking out his mouth. Haleth shivered, remembering the feel of those teeth on her skin, and leaned in closer to him.</p><p>"Well, he <em>is</em> pretty," Caranthir continued, "and I was entering adulthood soon, with all the bodily changes that go along with it, and he is only a few years younger than I... He desired me, I desired him—we argued, for we are both hot-tempered, and it ended with me in his bed."</p><p>"Mm," Haleth said. "Tell me, was it like it is with me?"</p><p>Caranthir's blush had not receded once the conversation started, but if anything the redness beneath his skin only deepened. "No. Well—he used his mouth on me, to begin, but it was he who took me."</p><p>Haleth grinned. "And did you like it?"</p><p>He glared at her. "What do you want me to say? That I preferred him to you?"</p><p>"No, only that if you would like to be taken again, there are ways a woman can substitute for what she does not naturally have," Haleth said, a hand trailing down his back to cup his rear.</p><p>Caranthir whined a little, shifting back against her hand as she teased a finger between his cheeks. "<em>Haleth</em>," he protested, but she could see the signs of his interest.</p><p>"Well? Would you enjoy such a thing?" Haleth tilted her head. "I know that <em>I</em> do. And you cannot expect that every time we sleep together it shall be the same."</p><p>"You expect this to go on?" Caranthir asked, reaching out to brush her cheek with his fingers, long and lithe. Haleth leaned into the touch, remembering the feel of those digits inside her, wanting it again, wanting more.</p><p>"I have never bedded an elf before, and it was an experience I shall not soon forget," she said. "I am quite curious as to the <em>other</em> reactions I can pry from your body, and, well, you are much better endowed than any mortal man could be. And I <em>like</em> you, Caranthir," she added. "You are unlike the other elves I have encountered: you are honest, and practical, and real. Yes, that dreadful light is about you, but it does not overpower you like it does with Felagund or Thingol; and as prickly as you are, your manners are still better than any man of my own tribe."</p><p>Caranthir closed his eyes and drew a shuddering breath. "This is what I wanted from him," he murmured, and Haleth saw to the heart of him in that moment. "Affection—not the sappy, soulful kind, but honest and...enduring. But Angaráto was done with me the moment he found his release, and I knew it had been a mistake to give myself to him. He did not even give me the courtesy of a farewell, nor an apology—the next time we spoke it was as if nothing had happened, and he was getting <em>married</em>, and it was clear our night together meant nothing to him, when I had offered him my whole being. Perhaps we should have made our intentions clearer from the start, but..." He scowled. "I never forgot that. I never forgave him."</p><p>"Let it go," Haleth murmured, leaning to give him a kiss softer than those they had exchanged before. "Not for his sake; for yours."</p><p>"Oh, that was only the <em>beginning</em>," Caranthir said, brightening a bit. "His betrayal sparked the feud, but we both fed the fire with insults and cruel pranks, and he dragged his brothers into it, until the dislike boiled over into...well, you know about the Kinslaying. It is shameful to me now, but in that moment I held no pity for his mother's people, cutting them down, and I think I was near as gleefully mad as my father when we burned the ships and left him and the others behind. But that is a far greater wrong than what Angaráto did to me, though I know not how to mend it."</p><p>"Your brother did that, did he not?" Haleth said. "And you have distanced yourself from him; Thargelion is about as far from Dorthonion as one can get. Now your only grievance against him can be laid to rest in <em>my</em> bed, for I promise to treat you better than him."</p><p>He looked at her with something akin to reverence in his eyes, and she shivered. It was not like his people to treat sex lightly, though Angrod seemed to be an exception, and she now knew it was not like <em>Caranthir</em> to come to her bed without it meaning a great deal to him. And yet she had not anticipated this turn in their relationship, this new-forged bond between them, had not planned for it nor considered how he would imprint upon her heart before she had kissed him and marked him and made him hers.</p><p>And yet: that light in his gaze, shining just for her, the way he clung to her when they were done, the honesty and trust he had shown her in telling this tale... Haleth was endeared to him, and she did not want to let him go.</p><p>"I cannot promise I will be with you always," she told him. "For I am an adaneth, and the leader of my people besides. But I will be with you when I can, and cherish our time together."</p><p>"Haleth," he whispered, "I—" Tears sprang in his eyes, sparkling with his light, and she kissed them from his cheeks. He clutched her arms and curled up in her lap, for all he was her height and half again, and she held him close as she could and closer, letting him rock into her and make love to her, so different the second time, until she could hardly bear the tenderness.</p><p>When they were done she sighed, laying on top of him this time, wondering how she had fallen into this situation. When her grandmother led her people beyond the eastern mountains, elves were only tales whispered by firelight, stories of lone hunters in the ancient dark and shining fiends that stole unwary folk away. But here she was, in the arms of an elf she had first scorned, then treated with, then befriended, and now loved, or something like it, and she found she could not regret anything that had brought her to this point.</p><p>"I promised you a story in return for yours," she murmured, "but my first time with a woman is not nearly so interesting. We fumbled around with each other as eager youths, and I learned I didn't mind the taste of lust, and that was all; we never expected it to last beyond a few nights, and it did not. My first time with a man was even less remarkable."</p><p>"And your first time with an elf?" he asked.</p><p>She pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "We'll have to see how it compares to all the times after it," she teased, and his low chuckle reverberated through her body until all she felt was him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading, and please comment if you enjoyed!<br/>You can find me on tumblr <a href="http://arofili.tumblr.com/">@arofili</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>